Some time during the early summer months Kelsie started to dream of the day it would start to snow. I know what you are thinking, "why would we want snow after we just got away from the snow?" I was thinking the same thing. I think she was bitten by a bug, to be specific, the snowboard bug. The previous winter Kelsie had been snowboarding with her friend, that's when I think she was bitten by the aforementioned bug. It's a nasty bug that causes you to dream of snow covered mountains littered with rails and half-pipes that someone rudely left scattered all over the mountain for you to try and navigate around.
It also causes you to endlessly bug your parents to go look for snowboards and boots and helmets and goggles in the middle of summer. It was during this last summer when her symptoms flared up while we were driving around town. We passed a yard sale when what did she see standing there beckoning her to come back and take a look? Yep, a snowboard. Us being good, oblivious parents to the snowboard world decided to humor her and take a look at this piece of junk that someone has decided was no longer good enough for them. Surely we could find something wrong with it and be on our way.
We were wrong. The good thing about snowboards in the summertime is that they are way cheaper than their wintertime siblings. You know what's sadder than a 14 year old snowboarder daughter without a board in the summer? A 14 year old snowboarder daughter with a board in the summer. Now the snow dance rituals and the marshmallow snowmen sacrifices get serious.
Winter and some snow finally came, so did the requests to drive up the canyon on opening day. Since she went to all this work to get the snow to fall I thought I would humor her and take her up. That's when I did something really crazy. I told her I would try this silly sport of hers. How hard could it be? I skied for years and I thought I was pretty good at it back in the day. One silly little board couldn't be that hard could it?
Tuns out I was right, the snow board was not that hard at all, the snow on the other hand was like solid concrete every time I fell on it. Here's how it went. I got in a total of 4 runs. Run #1: Got on the lift fine and back off with a graceful ride to the bench that was waiting for me. Strapped the remaining boot into the binding and prepared to show off for Kelsie and abruptly fell on my knees. After scooting myself to the side so I was out of the way of others I then tried to get up from a sitting position. Kelsie told me it was easy, just scoot your feet close to you, grab the board and roll onto the board while standing up. I informed her that there was no possible way that I was ever going to lose the fifty pounds that I lovingly call my gut before all the snow melts to be able to reach the board. It took us an hour to get down the mountain. Run #2: Instead of the graceful glide to the bench this run started off with a wipe out 5 feet from the dismount. It would end up being a repeating theme. This run went much better. I stayed on the board for a long time but I could only stay on the board and successfully go down the mountain with the board sideways, like a snowplow, pushing, no, scraping all the snow off the mountain. Total run time: 30 minutes.
Run #3: Much like run #2, more snowplow, less snow on the mountain, many falls and wipe outs. Starting to think of names for my many bruises I will have later. Run #4: I had decided during run #3 that this would probably be one of my last runs of the day. The laughs from the other snowboarders started to turn into sighs of disgust so I took that as a sign to get off the mountain. The chairlift dismount did not disappoint and I did a splendid belly flop in the place that they will now call "the place where that idiot kept falling down". Run 4 was like the last two except when I got to the last hill. I was proud of myself, I could now get the board to actually face down the mountain for short periods of time before bringing it back into plow formation. Then out of the blue the mountain grabbed the board and threw me on my face. This was by far the most violent this mountain has ever been to me today. I landed on the little camera in my front pocket sending this awesome sharp pain throughout my body. I was still face down when Kelsie stopped by me to ask (for the 50Th time that day) if I was o.k. I informed her that I was o.k. but also declared that I was finished snowboarding for the day, possibly lifetime. Kelsie in her loving daughter voice told me "Dad? You still have one more hill to go down." I told her in my most loving Dad voice "I'm naming my deepest, darkest bruise Kelsie."
It also causes you to endlessly bug your parents to go look for snowboards and boots and helmets and goggles in the middle of summer. It was during this last summer when her symptoms flared up while we were driving around town. We passed a yard sale when what did she see standing there beckoning her to come back and take a look? Yep, a snowboard. Us being good, oblivious parents to the snowboard world decided to humor her and take a look at this piece of junk that someone has decided was no longer good enough for them. Surely we could find something wrong with it and be on our way.
We were wrong. The good thing about snowboards in the summertime is that they are way cheaper than their wintertime siblings. You know what's sadder than a 14 year old snowboarder daughter without a board in the summer? A 14 year old snowboarder daughter with a board in the summer. Now the snow dance rituals and the marshmallow snowmen sacrifices get serious.
Winter and some snow finally came, so did the requests to drive up the canyon on opening day. Since she went to all this work to get the snow to fall I thought I would humor her and take her up. That's when I did something really crazy. I told her I would try this silly sport of hers. How hard could it be? I skied for years and I thought I was pretty good at it back in the day. One silly little board couldn't be that hard could it?
Tuns out I was right, the snow board was not that hard at all, the snow on the other hand was like solid concrete every time I fell on it. Here's how it went. I got in a total of 4 runs. Run #1: Got on the lift fine and back off with a graceful ride to the bench that was waiting for me. Strapped the remaining boot into the binding and prepared to show off for Kelsie and abruptly fell on my knees. After scooting myself to the side so I was out of the way of others I then tried to get up from a sitting position. Kelsie told me it was easy, just scoot your feet close to you, grab the board and roll onto the board while standing up. I informed her that there was no possible way that I was ever going to lose the fifty pounds that I lovingly call my gut before all the snow melts to be able to reach the board. It took us an hour to get down the mountain. Run #2: Instead of the graceful glide to the bench this run started off with a wipe out 5 feet from the dismount. It would end up being a repeating theme. This run went much better. I stayed on the board for a long time but I could only stay on the board and successfully go down the mountain with the board sideways, like a snowplow, pushing, no, scraping all the snow off the mountain. Total run time: 30 minutes.
Run #3: Much like run #2, more snowplow, less snow on the mountain, many falls and wipe outs. Starting to think of names for my many bruises I will have later. Run #4: I had decided during run #3 that this would probably be one of my last runs of the day. The laughs from the other snowboarders started to turn into sighs of disgust so I took that as a sign to get off the mountain. The chairlift dismount did not disappoint and I did a splendid belly flop in the place that they will now call "the place where that idiot kept falling down". Run 4 was like the last two except when I got to the last hill. I was proud of myself, I could now get the board to actually face down the mountain for short periods of time before bringing it back into plow formation. Then out of the blue the mountain grabbed the board and threw me on my face. This was by far the most violent this mountain has ever been to me today. I landed on the little camera in my front pocket sending this awesome sharp pain throughout my body. I was still face down when Kelsie stopped by me to ask (for the 50Th time that day) if I was o.k. I informed her that I was o.k. but also declared that I was finished snowboarding for the day, possibly lifetime. Kelsie in her loving daughter voice told me "Dad? You still have one more hill to go down." I told her in my most loving Dad voice "I'm naming my deepest, darkest bruise Kelsie."
4 comments:
I would love to see pictures of that Rob!! Give it up and come down here and golf!!
I sure hope you are feeling better by now. Do you plan on ever doing that again. Good luck.
You have successfully cured me of any desire to try snowboarding! Hope all those bruises heal up quickly! :)
"Do you plan on ever doing that again?" This from the woman who spent many hours at the ski resort and not one minute on the slopes. I have to admire Mom for her patience in waiting for us on all of those Monday nights until we were tired or cold enough to go home. But then again, she was in the lodge drinking hot chocolate, eating a thick slice of bread with honeybutter and hobnobbing with Mr. Redford. But I sure miss those nights.
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